ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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