Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
