he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
