I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
