I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
