I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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