Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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