$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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