Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
