Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
