i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
