I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
