my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
