Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
