Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
