There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
