If i could tip my vagina, i would.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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