i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
