I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
