i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am available for nakedness
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
