he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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