we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
