You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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