i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
