bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
