Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
