my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
