we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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