put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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