I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
