Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there's paper in my vomit.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
