Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just sent this text using only my big toe
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
