Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
