You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
