she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
