I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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