Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
