I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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