you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
