she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
