Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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