You work out of a Hotel?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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