Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
