not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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