What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
