you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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