My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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