i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
