I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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