There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i will never coherently bang her
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
