new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ladies don't puke and tell
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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