my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
