I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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