Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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